Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
