90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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