My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
