I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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