I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
