It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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