How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
