You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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