is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
