I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
