I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
