You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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