I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.