If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night