I think I died a long time ago.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.