I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.