Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.