Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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