You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
