I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
