god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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