All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize