dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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