he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
