She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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