I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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