I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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