You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
