my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
