I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
