Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
