Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
