need another drink. this is the easiest way
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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