It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
