You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
