my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
