I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
