so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
