Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
These tits shall not be calmed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
