Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drake has all the answers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
