He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
