i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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