Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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