she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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