I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
