She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
