Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
