After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
