Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did i walk over a car last night?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
