so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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