U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
