FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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