What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
