I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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