i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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