Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
