Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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