youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
