: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
