i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
