Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
