i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
