How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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