Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
