today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
