hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
