I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
