I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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