I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize