isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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