I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think i have two assholes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
