you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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