As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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